Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Randomize
