It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize