When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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