i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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