it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
