So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
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You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
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He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
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