I want to make a zoo with you.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
