so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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