I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
They took my balls.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
