So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
