Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
