so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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