i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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