Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
