BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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