You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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