Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
