the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
