I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
