I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
