how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
