You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
