Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Congratulations! We have a period
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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