I CAN MOONWALK!
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
it glows. i had to have it.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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