Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
