i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
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