I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
