Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
