The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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