Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
