i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
