This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
