my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
