Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Naked. naked and bneed help.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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