I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
