Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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