She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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