I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
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I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
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I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
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