I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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