are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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