And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
