If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
