I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
