Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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