So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
