He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
