he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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