You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
