Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
