alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
