Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Randomize
