Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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