You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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