He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
