I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
