we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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