Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
