yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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