We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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