She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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