the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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