the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
