mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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