Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
