You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
