This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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