where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
